When The Bough Breaks
by dreamer one
Summary: After Jack and Sam's third child is born, all is not well. Part 6 of the Alone series. Can be read as a standalone. Deals with postpartum depression.
1. Chapter 1 We're In Trouble

_A/N: When the Bough Breaks can be read as a stand alone story or as part of the Alone series. For those of you following the Alone series, this story follows the end of Saving the World._

CHAPTER 1: WE'RE IN TROUBLE

Somewhere over Chicago, Jack O'Neill sat scrunched up in a military transport, speeding home to Colorado Springs in the middle of the night.

As a three star General in the United States Air Force, Jack was entitled to more comfortable transportation. But he'd been unwilling to wait. As soon as his final command performance as head of Homeworld Security was over, he'd made his way to the nearest military airfield and hopped the first transport to Peterson Air Force Base. He wanted to get back to Sam and the children as soon as possible. Despite assurances from Janet earlier that evening, he had a bad feeling about what was going on at home.

Married nearly seven years now, Jack knew he was a lucky man. He'd been blessed with three incredible children and a wife he loved more now than the day he married her. Grace and Jake, their twins, had recently turned five and were looking forward to kindergarten this fall. Baby Jon was just eight weeks old. Born eight weeks early, Jack suddenly realized that today was the baby's original due date.

The past year had been unbelievably stressful for the O'Neill family, especially for Sam. Only six months after a miscarriage, Sam had learned she was pregnant again. At the same time she'd begun to suffer with intractable headaches. Shortly after this, the twins, who'd been born with surprising telekinetic abilities, had been called upon to help in the battle against the Ori. And Sam, well in the end, she'd been so ill, she'd died and ascended. _Oh God, none of it even seemed real now_, Jack thought. For much of that time, even he'd thought they were all in some sort of bad dream.

Finally, just two months ago, the battle against the Ori was over, Sam had rejoined her family on the mortal plane and Jon was born. The baby had been delivered unexpectedly at home. Although he did very well for a baby that premature, he'd stayed in the hospital six weeks before the doctors felt he'd gained enough weight to be discharged.

Sam hadn't been the same in the few weeks since Jon's birth. While Jon was still in the hospital, Jack and everyone else chalked up her moodiness to nothing more than the 'baby blues'. He'd never known Sam to be 'blue" before, but these weren't normal circumstances. She'd been through hell and back recently; she was certainly entitled to some down time as far as Jack saw it and he was determined to give her whatever she needed.

Jack was surprised; he'd thought Sam would feel better once the baby was home. But after Jon left the hospital, Sam withdrew even further, spending more of her time alone, avoiding Jon as much as possible and not paying much attention to the twins for that matter. Something was wrong. It had to be more than the 'baby blues'. He'd mentioned his concern to Sam but she'd insisted she was fine and just needed a little rest.

To make matters worse, Sam was pulling away from him as much as everyone else.

OoOoOo

At the O'Neill house…

Sam awoke to the sound of her infant son's persistent crying. _He was always crying. Why wouldn't he just sleep through the _night?

That's all she wanted to do right now, sleep. In fact since Jack had left for what he promised would be his last weekend trip to Washington, she hadn't gotten out of bed very much at all. She knew something was very wrong but she didn't have the energy to do anything about it. Jack had been so worried he'd asked Janet to stay with her for the weekend. But Janet had been called in to the SGC on an emergency an hour ago, leaving Sam home alone with the children.

"Mommy, Jon's hungry. Are you going to feed him?" Grace said, slowly entering her mother's bedroom. Grace sensed something was very different about her mommy these past few days and she really wished Aunt Janet hadn't gone.

Sam turned in bed to face her little girl, just barely registering the fear on the small child's face.

"Grace, Mommy's tired. Why don't you feed Jon? There's a bottle in the refrigerator," she said.

"But, I don't know how to feed him Mommy. He's little," Grace protested.

"I know you can do it, Princess," Sam said, smiling weakly at her daughter. Although she knew what she was saying was wrong, her mind couldn't think of an alternative. And she couldn't pull herself out of bed. _It would be okay, Grace was a big girl now, _she thought.

OoOoOo

Thirty minutes later, Jack was home. After arriving at Peterson he'd found an airman from the motor pool to drive him home. As he opened the front door, he knew there was trouble. It was Monday morning, 0700 hours. The house should have been in its usual barely controlled chaos, getting the twins ready for preschool, feeding Jon, folding laundry.

Instead all was unnaturally quiet.

The only lights on were in the family room. As he entered, he saw a sight that broke his heart. His usually animated preschoolers sat sullenly side by side on the couch.

Grace was holding baby Jon awkwardly on her lap with a bottle held to his lips. Much of the milk contained in the bottle had drizzled over both Jon and Grace as the baby had fussed at Grace's well intentioned, but somewhat inept attempts to calm and feed him. Jake sat by her side, holding a washcloth, trying his best to clean things up.

_Where is Sam? _Jack thought, barely restraining his growing panic.

"Daddy .." came a plaintive, clearly relieved greeting from his daughter. "I'm glad you're home."

"I called Aunt Janet, she's sending someone over," Jake added, jumping up to run to his father's side.

"Where is Janet? Where's Mommy?" Jack asked as he gently took the baby from Grace's arms.

"Mommy's still in bed and Aunt Janet had to go to work _very_ early", Grace added. "And Jon won't eat at all."

"It's okay, Princess. Jon's going to be just fine," Jack said as he sat down next to Grace. Holding Jon in one arm, he pulled Grace to him with his free arm. She was clearly beside herself, frightened by both her mother's behavior and the responsibility she knew she couldn't handle. As Jack checked out baby Jon and reassured Grace, Jake sat close to his father as well, his eyes reflecting his own uncertainty.

Less than five minutes after Jack's arrival, Daniel came running in through the front door. Jack had failed to close it in his rush to see to the children.

"What's wrong? Janet said to get over here right away," Daniel said.

"That's what I'm gonna find out, Daniel. Sit with the kids for awhile, will you? I need to talk with Sam."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2 I'm Supposed to Be Happy

"_What's wrong? Janet said to get over here right away." Daniel said._

"_That's what I'm gonna find out, Daniel. Sit with the kids for awhile, will you? I need to talk with Sam."_

OoOoOO

CHAPTER TWO: I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY

Jack opened the door to the master bedroom. He could feel the fear rising within him. The thought that Sam may have tried to harm herself crossed his mind briefly. _No, not suicide_, Jack thought. _Sam would never do that. Then again what she just did with the kids was out of character too._

The room was dark, the curtains still pulled tight. Sam's form was wrapped in the comforter and her head all but hidden in the pillows.

"Sam, honey," he called, sitting down on the bed next to her. "Sam," he said again, gently shaking her shoulder."

"Mm…mm," she murmured, turning towards his voice and slowly opening her eyes. "Jack… you're home," she said flatly.

Before he'd left for Washington, it hadn't been this bad. But now, looking at her like this he knew when he'd seen her "blue" before. It was after Jolinar died. In the days after Sam was freed of the symbiote possession, she'pd looked blankly at him, just like she was now. It had taken some time for her to come out of it then. _But that was different, wasn't it?_

"Sam, what going on? What's wrong?" he asked.

Since she could tell Jack wasn't going away, Sam slowly pulled herself to a sitting position and looked at him with confusion. "Nothing's wrong, just sleepy," she said, starting to nod off sitting up.

"No, Sam, we need to talk," Jack said, taking hold of her by both shoulders and turning her to face him. "I came home to find Grace feeding Jon and you fast asleep. I need to know what's happening with you, Sam. Please let me help."

Sam's eyes opened wider and Jack could swear she was about to cry. It seemed she wanted to say something, but no words came out.

Finally, "Are they okay?"

"The kids? Yeah, they're all fine Sam. Just scared; I think they're all scared," he said gently. "I'm a little scared myself right now," he added, starting to pull her towards him.

Sam pulled away. She'd pulled away from Jack physically and emotionally a lot in the past few weeks, especially since the baby had come home. If nothing else, his presence and her apparent desire to get away from him roused her from her lethargy enough that she got out of bed.

"Okay. I won't try and hold you. But I still need some answers Sam," Jack said, clearly at a loss for what to do.

Sam looked at him across the room. She'd lost weight, he realized. _She looks so small. What do I do? How did this happened? he wondered to himself._

"I'm supposed to be happy, Jack…" she said, her voice trailing off as she stared past him. "I just want to go away."

"Go away? Where Sam?" he asked, not used to the lifeless look in his wife's eyes.

"I can't do it anymore." At that, Sam turned slightly and their eyes met. Jack saw the tears now streaming down her face.

He crossed the space between them and slowly and gently wrapped her in his arms. When she didn't pull away, Jack whispered, "I promise I'll make it better. Whatever it is, I'll make it better."

OoOoOo

Please review. I appreciate the comments from the first chapter. I think some got lost in some difficulty at the site.

I'm very interested in your reactions to the story and any suggestions. Thank you for reading and reviewing.


	3. Chapter 3 Sometimes Too Much Is Too Much

"_I can't do it anymore." At that, Sam did turn slightly and their eyes met. Jack saw the tears now streaming down her face._

_Jack crossed the space between them and slowly and gently wrapped his arms around her. When she didn't pull away, Jack whispered, "I promise I'll make it better. Whatever it is, I'll make it better."_

OoOoOo

SOMETIMES TOO MUCH IS TOO MUCH

Jack's POV…

_It must have started two months ago. With Jon's birth, two months ahead of time. When I got back to Earth with the twins, I was scared we'd lost the baby or even Sam. But this, I never imagined._

_Sam, she must have been so frightened. To make it worse I wasn't there when she needed me. Thank God Luke was, or we might have lost them both._

_I thought we could handle it; I was sure Sam could handle it. We'd had babies before._

_I didn't want to see it, but things were different this time. We didn't have a baby to bring home right away. But still, once we knew Jon was gonna be okay, it should have been a joyous time. _

_It seemed just the opposite for Sam. I think I wanted to pretend I was imagining it, so when she told me nothing was wrong I let it go more than once. _

_And now here we are, just the two of us in my truck, on our way to see Janet and probably my favorite person, Dr. McKenzie. Sam could barely dress herself today. Not that she was being uncooperative, she just didn't seem able to focus long enough to get things done. On our way out of the house, we'd both spent a few minutes reassuring Grace and Jake, before leaving them with Daniel. Sam just held them and sobbed. I'm sure the kids don't know what to make of all this._

_Since we've gotten in the cab of the truck, Sam's sat with her head leaning against the door. Hasn't moved a muscle. Every few minutes she mutters "I'm sorry", but not much else. I can barely hear even that. Why didn't I see this coming? Why didn't I let myself see this coming? _

OoOoOo

_What the hell is taking so long? She's been in there with Janet and McKenzie for nearly an hour. And I've been pacing this stupid floor for almost that long. If I don't watch it, they'll make me McKenzie's next guinea pig. There has to be something I can do to make this better. Who am I kidding? I should have been able to prevent this. She needed me and I'm off playing General in Washington. Damn it!_

_Well, I suppose the one good thing about this hour of hellish waiting is that I got to phone Daniel and the kids. We sure have two brave little munchkins. And Jon is one tough soldier himself. They must be so confused. I'll talk with them when I get home. They're really gonna need to know why Mommy acted so strangely and that everything's okay._

_Hell, I need to know that…_

"Jack, we'd like you to come in now," Janet called, breaking his solitary reflection.

Silently, Jack followed his friend and physician into her office. Finding Sam and Dr. McKenzie there waiting for him, Jack took a seat next to his wife. To his dismay, when he reached for her hand, Sam pulled away. Janet caught his look of distress and tucked that reaction in the back of her mind to make sure she addressed it later.

"Jack," Janet began, knowing it would be better coming from her than Dr. McKenzie, "as you've probably already guessed, Sam is suffering from a fairly severe case of postpartum depression."

"Got _that_. So what do we do, Doc?" Jack asked, praying there was something he could do to solve this problem and help his wife.

"Spoken like the strong military man you are, Jack. But I'm afraid it's not that straightforward." Much of what Dr. McKenzie and I will be telling you now we've already discussed with Sam."

"You know Janet, Sam's right here. Do you really think …" he began, uncomfortable with discussing his wife as though she weren't even there.

Before Janet could answer, Sam did it for her. "It's okay Jack," she said softly, looking directly at him for the first time. "I need help." Her voice was so flat and emotionless, it chilled him.

"Colonel Carter's on board with the treatment plan, General," Dr. McKenzie spoke now.

"As you've seen, there is a paucity of speech and difficulty with concentration which is very much a part of her current condition. She has given us permission to share all information about her treatment with you."

At that Jack nodded numbly. It hadn't occurred to him before then that it would have been Sam's right to refuse him access to her treatment information. He took it as a positive sign that she wasn't trying to shut him out completely.

"Okay, so here we are again. What do we do?" Jack repeated his primary question.

"General, recovery from depression of any sort is a process. In Colonel Carter's case, successful remission of symptoms will require both psychotropic medications and supportive psychotherapy," McKenzie explained. "Before that starts, I believe the patient and her family should understand what exactly it is that we're treating."

Sam sat silently, listening to McKenzie. Jack assumed that her passive face indicated she'd already heard all of this. At least he hoped that's what it was. And McKenzie, how he hated the man's detached clinical approach; it sounded like they were treating a total stranger.

Janet had picked up on Jack's discomfort and decided to continue the explanation herself.

"Jack, Sam's already heard much of what we're telling you and agreed it was important for you to understand too. First of all, depression is a very much a medical illness. You chose to bring her here for medical care and that was a good choice on your part. Often the etiology of depression is physiological, caused by chemicals in the body."

"Neurotransmitters, right?"

"Sometimes, yes, Jack. In postpartum depression, some of those chemical changes are mediated by the hormonal shifts of pregnancy and the immediate postpartum period." Turning slightly to address Sam directly, Janet continued, "In your case, Sam, all of that was most likely compounded by the tumor and whatever happened to you physically during ascension. I can't even begin to hazard a guess as to how all of that impacted your chemical makeup."

"Janet, aren't some people depressed because of other things. You know things that have happened to them or family members who treat them badly?" Jack asked, really wondering if he'd done something to cause this.

"Certainly, sometimes those things are part of the picture, Jack. But remember, Sam's depression in all likelihood was initiated by the massive hormonal shifts she experienced." Again, looking directly at Sam, despite the lack of response, she continued, "Then the stress of those days, and finally the trauma of baby Jon's premature delivery combined with those changes to cause the level of clinical depression we're seeing now. Please believe me when I tell you, neither of you caused this."

Jack studied Janet's face for any sign she was sugar coating the truth; he checked out McKenzie as well. Finally he turned towards Sam and found her eyes already on him. Filled with tears that refused to fall, her eyes locked with his and he prayed she could see the love in his heart reflected there. Perhaps she did, for at that moment, her hand reached out to grasp his and squeezed it for all she was worth.

"Why now?" Sam asked, still looking at Jack, but obviously asking for information from the medical experts in the room.

"Why so long after the baby's delivery?" McKenzie asked, makaing sure he knew what Sam was asking.

Sam nodded.

"We're not really certain," McKenzie continued. "What we do know is that about 10 percent of new mothers experience postpartum depression. The symptoms may develop any time within six months of giving birth. It may appear to be the baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and longer lasting, eventually interfering with a woman's ability to function. The symptoms get worse: constant fatigue, lack of joy, emotional numbness, feeling like a failure, withdrawal from friends and family…"

"Sounds familiar, huh Sam?" Jack interrupted, speaking more to his wife than anyone else. He'd been watching her closely during McKenzie's dissertation. Now he could see the tears begin to silently fall.

"Okay, so one more time folks, what do we do," Jack asked.

TBC

OoOoOo

A/N: Wow, thanks for all the reviews.Your enthusiasm pushed me to finish this chapter faster than I expected.

I'm glad to see the interest in this story which deals with an important topic, affecting many women and the people who care about them.


	4. Chapter 4 Sam Interrupted

"_Okay, so one more time folks, what do we do?" Jack asked._

_OoOoOo_

CHAPTER FOUR: SAM INTERRUPTED

Sam's POV…

_Jack said goodnight and left a few minutes ago. It's quiet now. I'm here alone, at least until someone comes to check on me._

_I'm relieved to be here. It sounds strange, but I feel safe. Here in this cold, sterile, closely observed place, away from the people I love, I feel safe._

_When Jack told Dr. McKenzie he wouldn't commit me against my will, I told him I'd sign the paper myself. I know I need to be here for awhile. I don't think I'd ever hurt the kids on purpose, but I'm not about to take that chance. And today, dear God, what did I do today?_

_I know there's something wrong with me, but I can't even begin to figure it out. I can hardly concentrate long enough to navigate my way around this hospital room. Someone else will need to figure out what's happening in my head. I can't do it. I wish I knew the woman everyone tells me I used to be; seems she could do just about anything. Right now I couldn't find my way out of a paper bag._

_I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could disappear. I don't want to be here anymore. It's just too hard. I don't think I'll ever be that woman again._

OoOoOo

A few hours earlier ….

Dr. McKenzie had recommended a brief period of hospitalization for Sam. At first Jack reacted with his trademark outrage. All he heard was McKenzie giving up on Sam and committing her to an insane asylum; Jack O'Neill had no intention of standing by for that and, as always, he let his opinion be known.

In this midst of Jack's protest, Sam had reached out, touched his arm and met his gaze. All she said was, "It's okay, I'll go". Something about the timbre of his wife's voice told him this had to happen.

"It won't be long, right?" he asked, to no one in particular.

"Jack, the purpose of hospitalization is to stabilize the patient," McKenzie explained, trying unsuccessfully to put some warmth into his clinical statement. "We'll start a regimen of medications and talk therapy. I'd like to see some remission of acute symptoms before we discharge her to an outpatient program."

In the end, Sam wordlessly reassured her husband that she was willing to follow McKenzie's recommendation.

It was less than a twenty minute ride from the SGC to Memorial Hospital where Sam would be admitted. Dr. McKenzie would be her attending psychiatrist given his knowledge of the classified information involved in her case. As McKenzie walked his patient through the admissions procedure, Janet waited with a distraught Jack O'Neill.

"Jack, I want to apologize. I never would have left her alone, even briefly, if I'd understood how bad things were getting," Janet said, clearly looking for forgiveness from her friend and colleague.

"I know. Hey, I wouldn't have gone to Washington either, now would I? I really thought she'd just snap out of it," he said, stopping to think about his words. "That's sounds really stupid now, doesn't it?"

"Not stupid Jack. Normal. I think family members struggle with this, asking themselves, why they didn't see things until …"

"Until something happened? I can't believe Sam would ever hurt any of the kids."

"Sam's not psychotic or delusional, Jack. This isn't a case of postpartum psychosis like the infamous stories everyone's heard on the evening news. No, Sam would never set out to harm any of them. But her judgment is impaired; we saw a glaring example of that today."

"The kids could have been hurt today, especially Jon," Jack stated, letting Janet know he understood. "That's what you mean, right? I'd never forgive myself, if my stupidity let that happen."

"But it didn't happen. And we have the chance to get Sam the treatment she needs."

"Do you really think she needs to be locked up, Janet?"

"Jack," she started, leading him to a more comfortable area to continue the discussion, "I know you don't particularly like Dr. McKenzie, but he is very competent in his field. He's concerned about Sam, especially about some of the passive suicidal ideation he heard from her. In light of her overall level of depression, he felt she was at risk."

"He thinks she'll attempt suicide?"

"Sometimes very depressed people are more apt to attempt suicide once they have the energy that an initial antidepressant trial gives them. He wants her under observation for that period of time."

"I can visit, right?"

"Yes, of course."

And visit he did. Jack came every day during the time Sam spent at Memorial. McKenzie insisted the daily visit be no longer that an hour. Though Jack was more than irritated by the restriction, he understood that Sam was exhausted and needed time to focus on her therapy. It wasn't till the end of that first week that she began to carry on any sort of meaningful conversation with him. Much of what she had to say was full of self blame and a terrible sadness that broke his heart. He remembered the feeling of profound sadness and guilt he'd experienced in the months after Charlie's death. _But Sam, what did she have to feel guilty about_? This was different and he struggled to understand what his wife was going through. _If I can understand, I'll be able to help_, he thought.

When Jack wasn't with Sam, he was a full time father, responsible for the day to day care of all three children. Fortunately, none of the child care responsibilities were really new to him. What _was_ new was trying to explain to the twins why their mother had been acting so strangely and why she had to stay at the hospital.

After the first two days, Sam started to talk with Jake and Grace on the phone each day, usually while Jack was with her. The treatment team had decided face to face visits with the five-year-olds would be counterproductive at this time. Too stressful, too emotional for both Sam and the kids, McKenzie had insisted. But little by little, as Jack listened in, Sam was starting to sound like 'Mommy' again. That was reassuring to him and he knew it would help the kids feel better as well.

By the end of the week, Jack started to bring little Jon to his mother while the twins were at school. Jack stayed with her as she held the baby, softly talked to him and fed him.

It was as though she was meeting the infant for the first time.

A week turned into two weeks. As they approached the end of the second week, Sam, Jack and the medical team solidified a discharge plan they hoped would insure a successful long term recovery for Sam and the whole family.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5 Some Help From A Friend

_A week turned into two weeks. As they approached the end of the second week, Sam, Jack and the medical team solidified a discharge plan they hoped would insure a successful long term recovery for Sam and the whole family._

OoOoOo

CHAPTER FIVE: SOME HELP FROM A FRIEND

Jack pulled into his driveway about 1800 hours. He'd been at Memorial visiting Sam and had stayed later than usual for the discharge planning meeting.

The twins heard his car pull up and were at the door to meet him.

"Daddy, daddy, Uncle Daniel ordered fried chicken for dinner!" Jake exclaimed.

Daniel had stayed with the twins while Jack was at the hospital. When Jack had called saying he'd be late, Daniel had taken dinner into his own hands. And Daniel didn't cook.

"Fried chicken, you say? You mean that artery clogging, greasy stuff with fifty million grams of saturated fat?" Jack asked, looking at Daniel.

"Jack, that's what they wanted," Daniel answered sheepishly. "And they were getting hungry. We've been bike riding most of the afternoon, you know."

"Daniel, here's daddy lesson 101: The kids don't always get what they want," Jack whispered teasingly to his good friend. "Sam's gonna kick your butt."

"How's Mommy, Daddy?" Grace asked, tugging at her father's hand.

Jack scooped his daughter up in his arms, held her little body so she was facing him directly and with a big smile said, "Mommy's coming home, day after tomorrow! Isn't that great?"

"Yay!" Grace and Jake shouted spontaneously in unison.

Once her father put her down, Grace quickly lost the spark of her initial excitement, and fixed her father with a somber look.

"Daddy," Grace said. "Why didn't Mommy want to see us?"

Jack took a deep breath, preparing himself for another version of the now familiar talk with his children. Despite the practice, he had yet to figure out a good way to explain the visiting restriction to the twins. He was grateful Sam was almost ready to come home; the phone calls definitely weren't cutting it and the kids really missed seeing their mother.

"Princess, let's sit down," Jack said, leading his daughter into the family room, "you too Jake, come on." Daniel followed Jack and the kids, holding baby Jon.

When everyone was seated, Jack began, "You guys remember what I told you when Mommy had to go the hospital, right?"

"Yes Daddy," Jake said. "You told us Mommy was very sick. You said she had the kind of sickness that made her feelings hurt real bad."

"Not hurt like the headaches. Mommy has a hurt that makes her very sad," Grace added decisively.

"That's right, Grace. When someone is so sad, it's hard for them to feel better without help from a doctor. And for these last few days, Mommy's doctors decided she needed lots of rest to feel better."

"But you take Jon to see Mommy," Grace protested.

"He doesn't let _anybody_ rest," Jake added.

"Well, _that's_ true," Jack admitted. "Truth is, mommy still feels very bad about what happened here the day she went to the hospital."

"You mean me trying to feed Jon?" Grace asked.

"She knows telling you to do that was wrong," Jack answered.

"Mommy already said sorry, Daddy. We're not mad, are we Grace?" Jake said.

Grace shook her head vehemently. "Is Mommy mad at _us_?" She asked.

"Princess, Mommy is definitely not mad at you or your brother. She's kind of mad at herself. The doctors wanted her to feel better before she saw you guys," Jack offered, hoping they could understand, just a little.

"Okay, but Mommy shouldn't be mad at herself. She already said sorry. We love her."

"Then what do you say we all go and tell her that tomorrow," Jack suggested.

"Can we really?" Jake asked hopefully.

"Absolutely, Slugger. Absolutely."

OoOoOo

After the children were asleep, Daniel stayed for awhile to talk with his friend.

"How are you, Jack?"

Jack seemed to be staring at nothing in particular as he answered Daniel – or at least acknowledged the statement.

"Sam's still having a hard time, Daniel. She's still depressed. Not as bad as a couple weeks ago, but she's _so_ sad," Jack said, not even aware he'd totally avoided Daniel's question. "It's going to take awhile to get back to normal."

"How are _you?" _Daniel persisted.

"Oh yeah, that. Not good, Daniel. I miss my wife," he finally admitted, wincing slightly.

"Can't be easy," Daniel ventured, his mind going to Sarah and wishing she could come home like Sam would eventually. Even after nearly two years, he could hardly believe his second wife had chosen to take her own life. And in some ways, he continued to blame himself for what had happened.

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I must sound pretty selfish," Jack said, accurately reading and interrupting Daniel's morose thoughts. "At least I know Sam can come home again."

Daniel simply looked at Jack, telling his friend, without words, that he understood and wanted him to keep talking.

"I know Sam's been gone before, Daniel. Off with alien entities and all, but funny thing is, I understood that. Strange as it was, I understood it. Now she's here but she's not here. I miss her, her smile, her laughter, her love of life. I miss holding her in my arms, making love to her." Jack paused briefly, closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "I miss Sam."

"I know the feeling, my friend. It's pretty lonely, isn't it?" Daniel said quietly.

"Yes, it is. You know, Daniel, if I hadn't had that experience with Ben Archer I might have been as idiotic about this as that crazy movie star on all the talk shows. You know the one dancing on the sofas with Oprah."

"Hey, even you couldn't be such a narcissistic jerk," Daniel said with certainty.

"Thanks, Danny, quite a vote of confidence there," Jack replied not quite sure how to take Daniel's comment.

"No, really Jack, what I mean is, even if you hadn't gone through some therapy of your own, you'd have figured it out for Sam's sake. That's the kind of man you are."

The friends fell silent for a few minutes. Finally Jack realized he'd been so wrapped up in his own family concerns he knew very little of what was going on with Daniel these days.

"How about you, Daniel? How are you doing?" he asked.

"Recently, pretty good, Jack. I'm seeing Janet, you know."

Jack stared at his good friend. He looked confused.

"Seeing as in … dating?" he asked with a lilting voice.

"Yeah, as in dating. You didn't know?"

"You didn't tell me."

"Did so."

"Did not."

"Did so."

"Not…. Hey, let's forget this little game. What's going on with you and the doc? How'd I miss this?"

"I think maybe you were a little pre-occupied these past few months."

"Ya think?"

They both chuckled slightly, Jack almost laughing for the first time in a long while.

"Janet asked me over for dinner the first week I was back from Egypt. The rest as they say is history," Daniel announced with a boyish twinkle in his eye.

"Really? So this is serious?"

"I certainly hope so, Jack. She's an incredible woman. Somehow she manages to keep her cool and hold us all together. Don't know where we'd be without her. Lately, don't know where _I'd _be without her. Remember when we almost lost her?"

"Don't think I'll ever forget, Danny. An inch over on her flap jacket and that blast would've killed her. That was eight years ago, seems like yesterday."

The two men sat silently together for a few more moments, realizing once again how much they'd all been through together. They were bonded as few other friends would ever be.

"I'm happy for you, Daniel."

OoOoOo

Daniel had volunteered to clean up the kitchen while Jack gave baby Jon his nighttime bottle, hoping to settle him for a few hours. Daniel, hardly Mr. Domestic, finished his task first and went to check on Jack.

Standing at the door to the nursery, Daniel looked inside. It was a sight that warmed his heart.

Jack was rocking Jon, very slowly. Jack's large hand held the little baby gently against his right shoulder, and a burp was apparently on the way. All the while, Daniel could hear his friend talking softly to his son.

"Come on little guy. Just one burp for your Dad. Okay, now that's more like it," Jack said sotto voce once the mission was accomplished. He gently lowered Jon in his arms and started to rock again. "Now that's done, it's time for one tiny baby to go to sleep. Did you know your Mommy is coming home soon? She loves you very much. And so do I. You mean the world to me, Jon."

When Daniel first walked into the room, he'd planned to relieve Jack so his very overtired friend could get some rest. But looking at Jack with his son, he knew the man wouldn't trade this moment. So instead, Daniel simply said goodnight.

"And Jack…"

"Yes Daniel?"

"If I ever get to be a father…."

"Thanks."

TBC

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	6. Chapter 6 The Recovery Continues

THE RECOVERY CONTINUES

True to his word, Jack O'Neill made sure the twins were with him when he went to visit Sam the next day. To his great relief, Dr. McKenzie easily agreed to the idea, especially once Jack reminded him Sam was scheduled to come home just twenty-four hours later.

OoOoOo

Sam's POV…

_They'll be here in a few minutes. I've been bouncing around this room fiddling with things for the past half hour. I'm acting like Jack; no small object in the room is safe from my nervous little fingers._

_I'm nervous. Who am I kidding? I'm scared. Of my children? What a silly thought! I've faced down armies of Jaffa and here I am, Samantha Carter O'Neill, scared to see my beautiful little babies._

_I don't want to hurt them. I didn't ever want to hurt them. And I have. Will they ever trust me again? Why should they? I'm not sure I trust myself anymore. McKenzie says I'm learning to trust my thoughts and my instincts again. I sure hope so. I'm ashamed of myself, of how I treated my children, how I've treated Jack these past weeks. They deserve so much better._

In the midst of her musings, the intercom rang, announcing visitors. After two weeks, Sam was well acquainted with hospital protocol; she checked her appearance one more time and made her way to a visiting area.

There were three private family visiting rooms in Memorial's psychiatric unit. Dr. McKenzie had set aside one for the O'Neills' use this afternoon. The room was fully carpeted and furnished as a comfortable family room with couches, a recliner, and ottomans.

Jack, the twins and baby Jon, were waiting for Sam when she arrived. Jon was securely in Jack's arms, the twins standing silently on either side of their father. _They look scared too_, Sam thought sadly. _They don't know what to expect, what I'm going to do._

Sam walked slowly towards her family, smiling at the children in particular. Then she got down on her knees and threw open her arms, hoping for the instantaneous reaction she got. Both children ran into her arms, snuggled close and buried their little faces on either side of her neck.

Sam was crying silently, the happy tears that so often confused Jack. To make it easier for him, she looked up from the embrace long enough to flash a genuinely bright smile, undimmed by the tears that surrounded it. As was her hope, the smile warmed Jack's heart.

The twins continued to hold on for dear life. Their silence was unnerving to Sam. Just as she was ready to say something to break the spell, both twins pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes. Grace asked, "Are you really coming home, Mommy?"

"Yes, Princess, I'm coming home tomorrow," Sam answered.

She was rewarded by a glorious smile from her little girl. "Come home today, Mommy. Please," Grace pleaded.

Sam pressed a kiss to her little girl's forehead. "I love you, Princess. I can't wait to come home. I've missed all of you so much," she said, turning slightly towards Jake and kissing him as well. By then she'd stood up and led the twins over to the sofa where her husband sat quietly with Jon.

Sam was pleasantly surprised. After their initial reticence, the twins, especially Grace, her little magpie, talked nonstop as they usually did when they were excited. And they were very excited to see their mother. So much so that Jack struggled with his desire to protect Sam. He had all he could do not to restrain some of the twins' enthusiasm for fear Sam would be overwhelmed. But he remembered something McKenzie had said at the discharge planning meeting. The psychiatrist, fairly confident in his patient's fledging recovery had told Jack the worst thing he could do would be to treat Sam like she would break. And Jack instinctively knew he was right.

Finally, Jake asked the question both children had been wondering about since they entered the hospital. "Mommy," he said, "do your feelings still hurt?"

Sam looked briefly at Jack, knowing immediately this must have been the way her husband explained her depression to the children.

"I feel a lot better Jake. My feelings aren't so sad anymore. And I'm very happy to see both of you." The smile that reached to her eyes let the children and Jack know this was an accurate self assessment.

"So are you all better now, Mommy?" Grace asked.

Sam wasn't sure she knew the answer to that one herself. She suspected McKenzie would say something evasive like "recovery is a process" and "it takes time". Sam did not want to admit that to herself, let alone her little girl. She took a deep breath and looked at Jack, who simply nodded to her. He was not about to do what he knew she could do for herself. After all, she needed to communicate honestly with the children once again and feel confident about it.

"I'm much better, Grace. I don't need to sleep so much and I have more energy," she said. And then, "It's going to take time to get completely well. But I know I'm ready to come home."

"Can we help, Mommy?"

"You already have. Just seeing you and Jake helps a lot."

Jack was often proud of his wife, but today was special. She was on her way to conquering a completely different kind of enemy. And she and their family were winning.

On Saturday, the twins made their second trip in as many days to Memorial. Along with their father, they brought Sam home.

OoOoOo

Doctor McKenzie had explained to the O'Neills that Sam's continued recovery would depend on faithful adherence to the prescribed antidepressants as well as participation in psychotherapy. He couldn't guarantee how long either of these would be needed, but estimated a six month window of treatment.

Sam had never voluntarily gone to a mental health therapist of any kind. Sure, she'd talked to McKenzie and other military psychiatrists as part of mandatory debriefings after difficult missions, but that was as far as it went.

She had prided herself on her strength of character. Life might be difficult, painful things might happen. But Sam Carter always came through and often ended up saving everyone else. Even when she needed the saving, her ability to manage the psychic pain that accompanied many of the necessary losses in her military life had served her well.

So this was uncharted territory. Struggling with depression was different. It wasn't sadness, a bad day or even normal grief that plagued her. This was an illness her normally logical mind couldn't fully comprehend. To her dismay, it was an illness that didn't vanish with treatment. And now, as she was feeling somewhat better, that logical mind was working overtime trying to figure out what went wrong and why full recovery was taking so long.

A day after her return home, it was time to begin outpatient therapy. Seeing a therapist while she was hospitalized was a given. For one thing, she was so sick those first few days, she couldn't even think to protest the idea. For another, it was McKenzie and so the whole process felt like an SGC debriefing. Sam suspected these weekly outpatient sessions would be more personal, and she wasn't looking forward to it.

Jack and Janet had set up the initial intake appointment with Diana Montgomery. A clinical social worker with appropriate military clearance, Diana was in her early sixties and had been recommended by Ben Archer, the therapist Jack worked with years ago.

For many years Diana's clientele had consisted of persons referred to her by the armed services, largely for post traumatic stress disorder and other psychiatric problems related to military service. Within the past five years, after an experience in her own family, she'd devoted a segment of her practice to women experiencing postpartum depression.

As she met her new patient for the first time, Diana saw a well dressed, pleasant, but mildly agitated woman. It was clear to her from the beginning that Sam would rather not be in her office. Diana's job over the next few weeks would be to help her patient readjust to life with her family and continue her recovery. This first awkward session would set the stage for their therapeutic relationship.

After initial introductions, Sam and Diana sat silently for the first ten minutes of the session. Finally, Sam began and was surprised by her own candor.

"He deserves better than this," she said simply.

"Who's 'he' Sam?"

At the question, Sam turned to look at Diana for the first time. "My husband, Jack."

"And what is it you think Jack deserves?"

"Better that this, than me," she said softly, tears beginning to flow. When Diana didn't speak, Sam continued slowly. "I'm no good for him anymore. I can't do anything right."

"Do you believe that's how Jack feels?"

"What I believe is that Jack O'Neill is too good a man to complain. He wouldn't want to hurt me."

"And…"

"… and he's been responsible for three kids by himself these past few months, worried about me and probably worried that I might hurt one of the kids. Since Jon's birth, I've barely gone into work, so I haven't been a lot of use there either. I barely let Jack near me, let alone think about having sex. That's not the woman he married."

"Okay. So where is she, Sam?"

Sam looked at Diana, wondering how to answer the fairly rhetorical question.

"Damned if I know. She's sure as hell taking her sweet time getting back here."

"So you miss her, don't you, this 'superwoman' Sam everyone's been telling me about."

"Yes, of course, I miss her. That's who I'm supposed to me. The person everyone expects me to be."

"Or at least the person you expect you to be. Did it ever occur to you that Jack will love you even if you aren't Super Sam?"

Sam looked at Diana dismissively this time thinking _she doesn't know anything about us_, and huffed, shaking her head.

"Guess that's a no," Diana posited. "So Jack's not really the kind of man who deserves much at all. If he has to have Superwoman, he must be pretty shallow," she concluded watching her patient's face look angrier by the minute.

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare criticize him!" Sam shouted, surprised by her own sudden animation. _Why am I letting this stranger get me so upset?_ She wondered.

"Sam, I'm not trying to criticize your husband. I'd simply like you to consider the possibility that he is as fiercely loyal to you as you are to him. That kind of man will love you whether or not Super Sam comes back."

Sam simply looked at the woman and began to cry once again.

OoOoOo

That night after the twins were asleep and Sam had finished feeding Jon, Sam and Jack were finally alone together. It was Sam's second night home from the hospital. The adjustment was more difficult than she had anticipated.

She was fearful of making mistakes with the kids, she handled Jon more carefully than necessary for fear she'd hurt him and Jack, _oh Jack. _Though she wanted his comfort and closeness, she was so afraid he'd want more that she'd found herself pulling away from him in bed last night. She knew her rejection hurt him. Here she was again hurting her family, the last thing she wanted to do. How could she even begin to talk with him about this?

Then again, the Sam Carter she remembered was fearless, so what did she have to lose?

"Sam, lets go out on the porch for awhile. The sky's clear. It's been a long time since you explained why we can't reach those stars by Stargate," Jack said lightly, smiling gently and a little suggestively at his wife.

"Jack, can we talk?" Sam asked in a smaller than usual voice.

"Sure, we can talk on the porch," he said without thinking.

"How about right here? Is that okay?"

"Of course, Sam. Whatever you want. I just thought…"

"I know. It's been a long time."

As they sat down, facing each other in separate chairs, Sam began again, "I'm sorry, Jack. I want to be with you. I just can't right now. It's supposed to get better as the medication works and some of the other symptoms subside…"

"Sam, sweetheart, I love you. This is what you've been upset about today, isn't it. Did you really think I'd pressure you? I'll be here when you're ready, Sam." Then after thinking about it for a moment and watching his wife's face, he knew there was something she wasn't telling him. "You're afraid you'll get pregnant again, aren't you?"

_How does he know me so well? _Sam thought, disturbed, yet at the same time, relieved.

She simply nodded, hanging her head.

"Last I knew there were ways to prevent that, Sam. Granted we haven't used any lately," Jack said, awkwardly trying to make a joke. "Sam nothing's going to happen until you're ready. I'm just so glad you're home." As Jack watched her face, a gentle smile played across it, no doubt in response to his lame attempt at humor. His Sam was coming back, and he was determined to be there for her in whatever way she wanted or needed in the days ahead.

OoOoOo

Surprisingly, the next morning was easier. Sam was more relaxed. She could have sworn Jack looked happier and she'd slept peacefully in her husband's arms all night. Maybe Diana's idea of talking about things was a good one after all.

TBC

OoOoOo

Thanks for reading.

Please review!


	7. Chapter 7 An Unexpected Problem

AN UNEXPECTED PROBLEM

Sam had been home nearly three weeks. Everything was much better than it had been. Sam seemed more at ease with all of the children, including Jon. She'd regained her confidence in doing some normal household chores and Jack had started to feel comfortable leaving her alone with the children for brief periods of time.

Still, Sam struggled with her new reality and the need to take care of herself in a different way. Taking medications, going to therapy, these were not activities she'd expected to fill her day. She couldn't get over the feeling that these were a sign of weakness. And Jack, Jack still missed the old Sam more than he was willing to admit.

Jack had gotten into the habit of driving his wife to her outpatient therapy appointments. Since Diana Montgomery's office was at Memorial Hospital, where Sam had been hospitalized, the couple often ran into staff members or patients they knew when they arrived for an outpatient visit.

Jack typically took himself to the coffee shop while he waited for Sam. Today, for the second week in a row, he met Maia, a psychiatric nurse in her late twenties who worked the evening shift on the inpatient mental health unit. A tall, lovely blond, and a graduate student at the local university, Maia had been Sam's primary nurse several evenings during her hospitalization.

As one of Sam's caregivers, Maia was familiar with the severity of Sam's depression. Part of her role on the unit was to help family members understand and break through the stigma of mental illness, while dealing with their own reactions to a loved one's struggles. In this capacity, she'd counseled and reassured Jack after several of his late afternoon visits with his wife, especially when Sam had been acutely ill.

Though nearly thirty years her senior, Maia found Jack O'Neill extremely attractive, and totally off limits. For the young, adventuresome woman, this made the situation all the more interesting. _And of course_, she thought, _the poor man has a wife who isn't able to give_ _him what he needs_. _He must be very lonely_, she reasoned. _He needs someone to be there for him, and I'm the perfect candidate._

"Maia, how's your day going?" Jack asked as he walked up behind the young nurse in the coffee shop line.

"It's busy upstairs, the unit's full, but things are good with me. And for you General O'Neill, how are you? It must be a difficult adjustment," Maia stated more than inquired.

The two naturally sat down together at an empty table and began to talk about the transition. Given her role in Sam's hospital stay, Maia's interest seemed appropriate to Jack. She was simply a professional who'd cared for his wife expressing interest in her patient's progress. He was too pre-occupied with Sam to even notice the way the younger woman was ogling him or the signals she was giving off. So he was totally blind sided when she began to make her offer.

"General, it's very difficult for a man when his wife struggles with depression. The wife pulls away and physical closeness is often very limited. You've been taking care of her for months now. That must be terribly stressful and discouraging."

"That's what you do when you love someone, you care for them," Jack answered matter-of-factly.

"You're a good husband, General O'Neill. Even good husbands get lonely sometimes."

"What are you getting at?" Jack asked, starting to get a bad feeling about this.

"All I'm saying, _Jack_, is should you ever want someone to listen or be with for awhile, I'm available."

"Available for what exactly, _Ms. Prince_?" he asked, finally starting to see the situation for what it was. The fact that he'd caught on and was not pleased was evident in his suddenly strident, military tone.

"I'm just saying, I'd like to be a friend, General," Maia replied, realizing that she'd chosen the wrong man to proposition.

"I don't think so. You're insulting me and my wife by even thinking I'd agree to what you're suggesting. Listen, you don't know me and I don't know you. I'll give you a break. I won't report this to your supervisor. But if you approach me again, I'll have you up on charges so fast it'll make your head spin. Is that clear?"

"Crystal, General. I'm sorry if I offended you," she replied, clearly flustered and trying to distance herself from consequences of her behavior.

Without further response, and with a tightly leashed anger Maia couldn't help but back away from, Jack O'Neill stood up and stalked out of the coffee shop. As he made his way back to Diana Montgomery's waiting room, he ran into Janet who was at Memorial that day checking on patients.

"Jack, what's the matter? You look like you're ready to take someone's head off," the petite doctor said as she struggled to keep up with Jack's pace.

"Janet, so help me, what is wrong with people?"

"People in general, or someone in particular, Jack?"

"The nurse from Sam's unit, Maia Prince. She came on to me in the coffee shop, for crying out loud! What the hell was she thinking?"

"Well, I don't really care what she was thinking, but that constitutes some serious professional misconduct. You need to report her behavior."

"Janet, I just want to forget it and stay away from the damned woman. I don't need the hassle right now and I don't want Sam to even hear about it."

"Jack, did you do something you don't want Sam to know about?"

"Of course not. Do you really think I'd go behind Sam's back?"

"No, you wouldn't. But there are other very vulnerable family members out there. You won't be the first or the last Maia Prince will go after. And the next time, there might be a lot more damage done," Janet reasoned.

"What did I do, Janet? Did I give her some sort of signal I was available? Hell, she's an intelligent woman, supposedly a professional. I'm an Air Force General, more than old enough to be her father."

"Sam always did say you were blissfully unaware of your effect on women," Janet said, just shaking her head.

"I'm serious, Janet. Help me out here."

"Jack, you've got to be careful not to look like a little boy who needs comfort," Janet began, hoping to give her friend some needed insight into his own behavior in a way he might be able to hear. "There are women out there who see your sadness as an invitation. Be that as it may, it doesn't excuse Maia Prince's behavior. You still have a responsibility to report it."

Jack looked towards the ceiling and huffed out a large breath, briefly closing his eyes. "I want things to be the way they were with Sam and me, Janet. Is that too much to ask?"

"Of course not. But it sounds like you need to talk with someone too, someone you can trust. How about Ben Archer? You said you talked with him to get the recommendation for Diana. I'll bet Ben is just waiting for a phone call."

"What? You think he knows I'm having a hard time with this?"

"Doesn't take a rocket scientist, Jack. He's a smart man."

OoOoOo

By the time Jack and Sam left Memorial that day, Jack had resolved to see Ben Archer to help him manage his own reactions to Sam's depression and recovery. To his great surprise, when he shared that decision with Sam, she was relieved.

TBC

OoOoOo

A/N: Please review, I'm very interested in your reactions to this chapter.

This piece was not intended as nurse bashing. I am a registered nurse and for the most part those in our profession are highly ethical. However, what I described above does happen and definitely constitutes professional misconduct. Bereaved family members or, in this case, spouses of mentally ill partners can be especially vulnerable to advances from someone like Maia. Obviously marital infidelity can make a very painful time much worse for all concerned.

Again, many thanks to those who are continuing to read, especially you wonderful reviewers!


	8. Chapter 8 Reclaiming Life

RECLAIMING LIFE

When Jack told Sam he'd be seeing Ben Archer for brief therapy, she breathed a sigh a relief. She'd been worried about her husband. Despite her trust in Jack, she feared their marriage might not survive her depression and truly believed they stood a better chance with help than without it.

Day by day, Sam knew she was getting stronger. It was easier to get up in the morning, less of a chore to take care of the kids, she was less afraid of something happening to Jon. And she'd begun to finally feel the familiar stirrings of desire when she was close to her husband. She was glad; she was beginning to think she'd never want to make love again. There were still problems in that area but thank goodness things were getting better.

In fact, at her medical check up the other day, Janet had matter-of-factly broached the topic of sexual dysfunction and depression. Now this was about the last thing Sam wanted to talk with anyone about, but after all, it was Janet.

"I've been thinking about cutting back on the pills, Janet. I know one of the side effects is sexual dysfunction, decreased libido, or something like that," she said trying her best to make light of it. "If I take less of the medication, maybe things will improve."

Janet took a deep breath and turned to her good friend and patient, trying her best not to look perturbed.

"Sam, for a brilliant woman, you can be downright stupid sometimes!" Janet reconsidered the vehemence of her response, and continued. "I'm sorry, but after all you've been through, you'd consider stopping the medication that's helped you feel so much better without discussing it with Dr. McKenzie?"

"I'm discussing it with you. Janet, I want to be with my husband. I want things to be the way they were. We both deserve that, and I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen."

"Sam, loss of interest in sex is a fairly common part of depression. Add to that the fact that several of our most common psychotropic medications have decreased libido as a side effect and what you're experiencing is no surprise. But there are other medications you can try that don't have the same side effect. Let McKenzie work with you on that."

"Janet, I'd die before I'd talk to McKenzie about this," Sam said, not quite able to meet Janet's eyes.

"For the record you should feel free to talk with your psychiatrist about anything and this is no different. But let's look at this as a consultation. As your primary care provider, I'll consult with McKenzie around a trial of different meds. Is it okay for _me _to talk with him?"

"I suppose, as long as I never have to lay eyes on him again," Sam replied, only half in jest.

OoOoOo

It had been four weeks since her discharge from the hospital. Sam was getting anxious to return to work. She'd been away from the SGC for months and was starting to miss her role in the Stargate program.

"Jack, what do you think about my going back to work?" Sam asked, ready for just about anything in Jack's answer.

"You think you're ready?" He questioned by way of reply.

"Maybe a couple days a week to start?" Sam suggested.

"Okay, why not. Let me talk to Landry," Jack offered, thinking he could smooth the way and make it easier for her.

"Jack, remember you're out of his chain of command now. So you wouldn't be calling to make my return an order. I think it's up to me to go through the proper channels, like anyone else," Sam said, looking at him intently.

"You're up to that?" Jack asked, watching her quizzically.

'Hey you," she said teasingly, coming over to wrap her arms around her husband, "if I can't navigate military bureaucracy, I can't very well save the world at the SGC, now can I?"

"Excuse me, Ma'am. Go get 'em," he said with a gentle smile, glad to see his wife's spunk and self confidence gradually returning. Although a big part of him wanted to protect Sam now more than ever, Jack knew that Sam's desire to return to her normal life was a huge step in her recovery.

OoOoOo

Within ten days of their conversation, Sam started back at the SGC, two six hour shifts per week. Although she was feeling much better and chomping at the bit to get back into the thick of things, everyone encouraged her to take it slowly. Some people did this with the best of intentions.

Others, like Dr. Lee, saw her return at a threat to the status they'd achieved during her absence. Working with Dr. Lee had never been a great partnership, but now it was more of a challenge than ever. Sam was only slightly surprised when he treated her in an unnervingly guarded and condescending manner. Worse yet, she heard rumors that the man went to Landry complaining about someone "mentally unstable" being given access to sensitive classified information.

So it was that over the first few weeks of her return to the SGC, Sam struggled with her own insecurities in an environment where she knew great things were expected of her by some, while others were waiting for her to fail. Supported by her family, friends and most of her colleagues, she began the process of confidence building that would allow her to once more be accepted as the "foremost authority on the Stargate".

Of course, twelve hours a week did not allow for much work at the SGC itself. Sam gradually did more work from home, allowing her to care for baby Jon while she still managed the lab, at least long distance. She was also, once again, on call for emergencies, problems no one else could fix.

During her second week back on duty, Sam was called at home for a problem with the dialing program. It was the middle of the night. Jack's first reaction when he answered the phone was to tell the young lieutenant to wake up Dr. Lee. But he knew the man probably couldn't fix it. Besides Ben Archer had been after him to let Sam do as much as she could. So with some reluctance he handed Sam the phone.

"You shouldn't have to go in there in the middle of the night, Sam. You need your sleep," he said when she announced that she'd need to take a first hand look at things in order to fix the problem which seriously jeopardized SG12's current mission.

Sam, in the middle of getting dressed, turned and gave her husband one of her withering looks. It was that look that said "just because my reproductive organs …"

"Okay, okay," Jack said, relenting and holding up his hands in surrender. (Jack had teased Sam on more than one occasion about her feminist rant during their first meeting.) "I just wish I could drive you in," he said, from his perch on the side of their bed.

"You have three little sleeping angels to look after, Mr. O'Neill. And I'm planning to be back for breakfast. French toast would be nice."

"We could bundle the kids up and all drive in together, Sam," Jack offered. "Knowing the twins, they might sleep through the whole thing."

"We will not, Jack O'Neill," Sam said definitively, coming over to plant a kiss on the top of his head. "I'm okay. Promise."

"I just don't want you doing too much too quickly."

"I understand. I'm taking good care of myself Jack. And you're taking good care of me. Right?"

"I love you, Sam," he said, standing up and gathering her into his arms. "I suppose since I'm married to the smartest woman in the world, I have to share her with humanity. I'll have the French toast ready to go when you get back."

OoOoOo

When Sam arrived at the SGC, she was mildly irritated to find that they had indeed called in Dr. Lee first. He was deep in thought, sitting in the control room when she arrived. Reluctantly, he brought her up to speed. Seems she was called only once it was clear no one else would be able to solve the problem.

Brushing her initial irritation out of the way, Sam got to work. Within an hour, she'd written a subroutine to reverse the damage a virus had caused to the dialing program. When the gate sprung to life with its familiar "Woosh", Sam received congratulations for a job well done. Standing silently, less than a meter away from her was Dr. Lee. The astonishment in his eyes was plain for all to see.

On her way out of the control room, Sam deliberately walked past Dr. Lee. Stopping briefly, she addressed him somberly. "Depression doesn't eat IQ points you know, Dr. Lee," she said in the friendliest voice she could muster. _Sorry to disappoint you,_ she thought, as she quietly left the area.

OoOoOo

When Sam arrived home around 0800 that morning, everyone was happy to see her. Of course the twins greeted her at the door, wide awake and ready to move on with their Saturday morning.

"Daddy's making breakfast," Jake announced.

"And the kitchen's a mess," Grace added, knowing her mother would appreciate that little tidbit.

"Morning, Sam," Jack called from the kitchen. "You're back just in time. Breakfast is ready as soon as you are."

"That's great. Thanks, Jack," she said as she made her way to the kitchen, wrapped her arms around him from behind and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. She'd decided to ignore the fact that the kitchen was indeed "a mess".

"Mark called," Jack told her quietly.

"Sorry I missed him. Is everything okay?"

"Well, frankly he was more than a little irritated that I let you go into work in the middle of the night. Something about you should quit the Air Force and focus on …"

"He what?"

"As if I could stop you," Jack said with a teasing smirk. "He's forgotten his sister is a force of nature when she's determined to do something."

"I thought he understood," Sam said with some disappointment.

"He's just concerned, Sam. And he's not here to see how well you're doing first hand. He's not sure he can believe me. What do you say we have Mark and the family out for a visit? Are you up for it?"

"That's a good idea. It's time."

TBC

OoOoOo

A/N: Thanks for reading. Reviews eagerly anticipated.

I'm off for a week's vacation in the woods without Internet connection. I'll get to do lots of writing, but no posting till next weekend.


	9. Chapter 9 A New Normal

"_He's just concerned, Sam. And he's not here to see how well you're doing first hand. He's not sure he can believe me. What do you say we have Mark and the family out for a visit? Are you up for it?"_

"_That's a good idea. It's time."_

OoOoOo

A NEW NORMAL

Sure enough, less than a week later, Mark, Lisa, Nick and Amanda arrived for a long overdue visit. As happy as Sam was to see them, she was a bit nervous. Knowing her brother had some pre-conceived ideas about mental illness, she worried Mark might see her as somehow damaged or different after her recent bout of depression.

She needn't have been concerned. By the time the Carters arrived, Sam had reached the three month point in her recovery. Though her memory of the misery was fresh, she was feeling and acting like her old self. Mark was pleasantly surprised by his sister's demeanor when he arrived.

"Sam, you look great," he said, early on the first morning of the family's visit. "I have to admit, I was worried. I'm sorry I didn't get up here sooner. Maybe I could have helped."

"You're here now and that's what matters, Mark. Those first few weeks after Jon was born are pretty much a blur. I don't remember a lot besides being in bed most of the time. I don't think I would have survived those days at all without Jack."

"Yeah, that's another thing. I really lit into Jack that morning I called and he told me you'd gone into work in the middle of the night," Mark confessed. "I probably should apologize."

"You probably should," Sam said, smiling gently and reaching over to touch his arm. "Mark," she said, looking him straight in the eye for emphasis, "Jack would _never_ do anything to endanger me or the kids."

"I know that, Sam," Mark replied quietly. "I suppose I was feeling guilty I wasn't here myself to help out at the time."

"Enough with the guilt already," Sam said. She hoped to move beyond what she'd christened "the feeling bad" stage of this whole depression/recovery thing and she was not about to let anyone pull her back down. "What do you say we take the kids to the park and let Nick and Amanda play big brother and sister to their cousins?"

"Sounds like a plan," Mark agreed. "Is Jack coming with us?"

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away, Mark," Jack replied enthusiastically from the next room. "I'm ready to go on any outing that promises built-in babysitters," Jack said. "That gives me more time to snuggle with my beautiful wife."

"So you think," Sam said playfully as Jack came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Awfully sure of yourself, aren't you, General?"

"Absolutely," he said, turning Sam around in his arms and giving her a sexy smirk.

"Looks to me like I'm intruding," Mark volunteered. "I think I'll give you two a little private time."

Facing his brother-in-law, Jack mouthed a silent thank you, just before he leaned in to kiss his wife.

OoOoOo

A few minutes later, when Mark had left the kitchen and their first kiss of the day had finally ended, Jack and Sam stood silently, each gazing lovingly at the other.

"So, did Mark give you his stamp of approval?" Jack questioned with some concern.

"I think so, Jack. I'm not sure what Mark was expecting, but it was probably a lot worse than what he found. Oh, and he's even planning to apologize to you for his rant on the phone the other day."

"That's good," Jack said. "Wouldn't want my brother-in-law thinking I was the kind of man who pushed his sick wife out the door to work in the middle of the night."

"I love you, Mr. O'Neill," Sam whispered, barely loud enough for Jack to hear.

"Yeah? That's good, because I love you, Mrs. O'Neill," Jack whispered back, just before kissing her once more.

"I'd say we're on the home stretch of this recovery thing. What do you think?" he questioned.

"I think you're right. I've been feeling like my old self these last few days. But I'm afraid to be too confident," Sam admitted. Then with some trepidation she added, "I don't ever want to go back there. I felt like I was at the bottom of a hole and couldn't crawl out, no matter how hard I tried."

"I wish I could have helped more," Jack said sincerely.

"More? I can't imagine anyone being more supportive than you were during all of this, Jack. I know how lucky I am, believe me," Sam said, gently reaching up to caress his face as her own tears started.

"What are the tears about? And don't tell me they're happy tears," Jack asked, feeling the first tendrils of concern course through him.

"I know my depression was hard for you and the kids too. But you were always there for me, through all of it," Sam said tearfully. "Thank you for your patience, for everything."

"You've been there for me, for all of us, Sam, lots of times," Jack replied. Then, after a moment or two of silent communication with his wife, "That's what a marriage is, right? For better or worse…(kiss)…, richer or poorer…(kiss)…, in sickness and in health (kiss)..."

Jack and Sam clung to each other, secure in the embrace and in the strength of their love, and, for the moment, mindless of the rest of the world.

TBC

Thanks for reading.

Final chapter will be posted very soon (probably tomorrow).


	10. Chapter 10 Family Life Continues

_Jack and Sam clung to each other, secure in the embrace and in the strength of their love, and, for the moment, mindless of the rest of the world._

OoOoOo

CHAPTER TEN: FAMILY LIFE CONTINUES

"As much as I'd like to continue this right now, Jack, my brother is in the next room and the twins are due to come bounding down the stairs at any moment," Sam said, pulling away just enough to smile softly at her husband and catch the answering glint in his eyes.

As if on cue, Jake and Grace heralded their arrival with one of their trademark arguments. "No, it's mine, Daddy bought it for me," Jake asserted.

"Is not, it's mine."

"Is too."

"Not".

Jack looked at Sam and rolled his eyes heavenward before looking at his wife once more.

"Don't look at me, Jack. Sounds an awful lot like you and a certain archeologist we all know," Sam suggested.

Jack winced, shrugged his shoulders and called out to the young verbal combatants. "Hey, you two…"

Jake and Grace rolled to a stop just before bowling over their father. "Daddy …" Grace began.

"Now what seems to be the matter?" Jack asked, ready to assume the role of patient father and negotiator one more time.

OoOoOo

Langdon Park was less than one mile from the O'Neill residence and boasted beautifully landscaped picnic and recreation areas, especially tailored for young children. The O'Neills had been there so often, it seemed the twins could find the swings sets blindfolded. Since the nice weather was slowly coming to an end, this would likely be the family's last visit of the season.

As he often did, Jack invited Daniel to join in the family outing. Happily accepting the invitation, Daniel had added a guest of his own. Seems he and Janet were already planning to spend the day together, so Daniel decided they'd both join the O'Neill family at the park. Jack knew that in Daniel's place, he'd have chosen private time with Sam over a larger get together, but Daniel always did things a bit differently. The more the merrier as far as Jack was concerned.

Within an hour, a sumptuous picnic feast was packed and family and friends were off to the park. As expected, Nick and Amanda, now fourteen and twelve years of age respectively, happily assumed responsibility for their young cousins. Mark Carter's children walked slightly ahead of the adults, holding the hands of the twins and skipping merrily with them all the way to the swings.

"My Dad said Aunt Sam was very sick," twelve-year-old Amanda began, as she led Grace over to the swings, settled her on a seat and started to push her. "But she looks great. Is she all better?"

"Yup, Mommy's all better. Not sad like she was before," Grace answered with authority.

"What made her so sad?" Nick asked, genuinely concerned.

"My daddy said it was nothing we did," Jake informed his older cousin, having heard the conversation clearly from his perch on the next swing.

"Mommy says it was things called stress and 'mones," Grace supplied helpfully.

"'Mones?" You mean hormones? Like sex hormones?" Amanda clarified helpfully, the young adolescent more than happy to share her burgeoning knowledge of the topic. Of course, Grace and Jake just looked at her in a bewildered fashion, having no idea what she was talking about. And Nick, well, as usual, Nick was thoroughly embarrassed by his sister.

"And exactly what are we discussing here?" Jack asked, finally arriving at the recreation area just in time to hear the magic three letter word he hoped never to discuss with his children. Sam, fortunately, wasn't far behind.

"I'm telling Nick and Mandy that Mommy's all better now," Grace said, jumping off the swing which was still quite low to the ground and running up to her mother. "Mandy says it was sex 'mones that made you sick," she added.

Sam flashed a quick look between her sister-in-law, Mandy and Jack, who was rolling his eyes and hoping to disappear under a rock. Stifling a chuckle, especially at her husband's overblown discomfort, Sam directed everyone over to a picnic table where she hoped to explain at least enough so they could all have a basic understanding of her illness.

"Okay, you two. When I was so sick, it was because of a very fast change in what we call hormones. Can you say hormones?"

"Hormones," the twins repeated in unison.

"Hormones are special chemicals in our bodies. We all have them and they tell parts of the body what to do. Amanda was right when she said sex hormones were involved. They are called sex hormones because boys and girls have different ones."

Jack was amazed at the relief he felt as Sam easily continued her explanation. The world didn't come to an end and she explained it all very concretely in ways the twins could understand. He figured he'd better listen and learn.

"Sometimes, after women have babies, their girl hormones are completely out of balance and that makes them feel bad. Now if this happens at the same time that other scary things are happening, a mommy can become very depressed."

"Like Jon coming so early, right? Mark asked. Lisa and Sam both nodded at him, realizing this was a teachable moment for him as well as the twins.

Both twins gave their mother a knowing look, as their memories of the secret "Oz" adventure jumped to the tips of their tongues. To their credit, the meaning of the word secret was not lost on their young minds.

OoOoOo

Half an hour later, as they began to set up the picnic, Janet and Sam found themselves with a few moments to catch up with each other.

"Janet, it's such a relief to have things almost back to normal," Sam said as she lit the charcoal in the stationary grill provided by the park. "I'm really enjoying my family again."

"Are you planning on returning full time to the SGC?" Doc Frasier asked.

"No. Actually, I've talked with General Landry about continuing on site part-time and doing some consulting work from home. Even though the twins are in all day kindergarten now, I want to be home with Jon as much as I can. At our age, we've decided Jon will be our last child; we both want to savor as much of his growing up as we can."

"Where does that leave Jack?"

"Well, as you know, Jack is now officially a consultant to the SGC and a trainer for new recruits to the program. Unofficially, he's Earth's Ambassador to the Asgard. We're both hoping he'll be able to stay in Colorado Springs a lot more now that the job's not based in Washington."

"Sounds like you two are rearranging priorities. And you're happy about it, aren't you?"

"Yes, I think we both are, Janet. This was a long time coming. Neither one of us can see our way clear to completely cut loose from our duties with the military or the SGC, but right now, we've decided to take the time we need for our family too." Sam paused and looked past Janet to the recreation area where Jack was playing with the children. "I'm a very lucky woman, Janet. A lot of men wouldn't have stuck around for what I just put him through."

"He loves you Sam. It would take a lot more than the past few months to pull him away from you. I hope you know that."

"I do Janet. I can't figure it out sometimes, but I do know it," Sam replied with a gentle, contented smile.

"No one can figure out love, Sam. Believe me, I know," Janet said, coyly holding up her left hand, so Sam couldn't help but see the stunning diamond ring she now wore.

"You and Daniel?"

Janet simply smiled and nodded. She was quickly enveloped in her friend's arms and treated to a trademark Sam Carter smile.

"I'm so happy for you! When did this happen?" Sam exclaimed with excitement.

"Last night. Daniel and I wanted you and Jack to be the first to know. That's why we wanted to come today."

"Well I'm honored. The two of you deserve so much happiness after all you've been through."

"Actually, it was all you and Jack have been through that pushed us to take the next step."

"How so?"

Speaking with heartfelt sincerity, Janet explained, "I guess you and Jack are my role models for a successful marriage. Watching you two come through so much and stay together, obviously as much in love as ever, well it does my aging, cynical heart good. And it gives me hope that Daniel and I could have something that special too."

OoOoOo

Meanwhile, Jack and Daniel were sitting quietly with Jon as the Carters managed playtime just a few feet away.

"So, you and the Doc? Way to go, Space Monkey!" Jack exclaimed, genuinely happy for his long time friend.

"Thanks, Jack. Means a lot, coming from you," Daniel said. "I hope I can make a go of it the way you have with Sam." Daniel paused, clearly deep in thought, which always worried Jack.

"Did you ever think the two of you wouldn't come through this, Jack?" Daniel asked.

"I thought I might not be strong enough, yes, Daniel," Jack replied, his attention remaining on little Jon who was still finishing his bottle.

"You, what are you talking about?" Daniel queried.

"I'm not perfect, Daniel," his friend said softly.

"Damned near to it when it comes to being a husband and father, from what I've seen the past few years," Daniel said.

"Glad it looked that way, Danny boy," Jack said cryptically. "But I've had my moments, moments I'm not proud of, not just recently, but over the years. We all do. I suppose it's human. All I know is that Sam and the kids are the most important things in my life and I'd do anything to make them happy. Sometimes I'm better at it than others."

"Gentleman, the grill is ready. Who's doing the honors today?" Sam asked as she interrupted Jack's recitation.

"I think I'll volunteer," Mark said to everyone's surprise, as he led the group from the recreation area over to the picnic table. Your children have been filling me in on your grilling technique, Jack. Seems they'd actually like to _taste_ the hot dogs today.

As Sam and Janet tried hard to stifle their laughter, Grace put in her two cents, "_Please _Daddy, let Uncle Mark cook. Mandy says he cooks good."

"Please…" Jake seconded the request.

"See, Daniel, that's one of those things that apparently I don't do perfectly," Jack said sotto voice to his friend. "Okay, then. I know when my cooking skills are not wanted." Turning to his brother-in-law, he said, "You're on, Mark. Be warned this is a tough crew to please."

Jack turned slightly as he felt Sam approach his side. "That might be true, but you do a great job at it – pleasing all of us, that is. You really are the best, Jack," she whispered just for him. And magically, Jack found he didn't mind the fact that charred meat was not his family's favorite treat.

As he saw it, the O'Neill family had everything that mattered – life, family, loyalty and lots and lots of love.

Sweet !

THE END

A/N: Thank you to all the readers and especially the reviewers who have been so supportive during the course of this story. I hope you enjoyed the read and perhaps learned a bit more about the topic of postpartum depression in the process.

Please watch for new chapters of Interludes as well as holiday one-shot, stand-alone stories during the next few months.

And yes, I am planning probably three more installments for the Alone series.

As always – reviews much appreciated!


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